Ups and Downs

Last week was a terrible week. I felt completely incompetent, and innadequate for the job. I was irritable, unprepared, and basically annoyed with my kids.

Actually, to be honest, I've been quite distant from the kids. I isolate myself during lunches, and I avoid them whenever I can. I am totally, not the teacher I was during my practicum.

What changed? Why am I so aloof?

There are kids in there I am thankful for. And as much as I love them, inside the class, I wouldn't think twice to smash them face first into furnace.

Can I really do this?

This week has been better. I did have more successes, and I did feel more like a teacher. One kid, who I really worked hard on last week, actually honestly studied. And although I was helping him with a test that wasn't for my class, I almost cried when he recited to me the first ten elements and their elemental symbols of the periodic table, in order.

I really hope he did well on his test, and got a taste of what its like to achieve something from hard work.

Then I'll be able to sleep at night.