Troubled Contentment.
Mezzanine Band Pictures!
Well, this week went by fast. I really miss sleeping.
New roommate! Welcome Alisha! And congrats on the job! It's kinda cool having her around, because she wakes up at the same time as me. My other roommate doesn't even exist it seems.
I spent a good night hanging out with Sam after work, and we had some good discussions. I've honestly never been this content before in my life. But I'm not necessarily happy.
Everything is working out so well right now; My school placement, my partner teacher, my field advisor, my job (which, as a part time gig is quite rocking, despite the fact that I'm starting to hate it), my guitars (and speaking of which, I've added another one to the family)... and yes, my tone.
It's simple, but the Gretsch through my Marshall sounds really good. Even the cleans are half decent. I may at the end of the year, invest in Keith to build me a Vibrolux, but at the moment, I couldn't ask for more in my sound.
Still, I am disturbed in my thoughts. My faith in God is... I don't have a word for it. I don't doubt what He can do, but lately I've been questioning if He'll do anything at all.
As if I should ask! Look at my life! Everything's nearly perfect!
But I'll tell you guys what saddens me to no end: Meeting Christians, and finding out they're not actually Spiritual Siblings. Or discovering that my good friends have taken a wrong turn, and are going down a wayward path. Or watching my own sister fall deeper and deeper into the same incorrect theology, because (and I don't blame her) she wants to love her husband.
Romans 8:37-39 says:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Well as far as east meets west, it feels as though my heart's being torn and stretched that exact distance. And in my frustration of watching those close to me adopt liberal theologies, I want to dig my claws through my chest and tear holes in my heart, just to know that I'm not callousing up.
I want to cry tears for these people, but... I just feel numb.
And I guess that's why I've been attracted to this girl lately. She first grabbed my attention literally, when she took my arm from the hall, as I was going to the scantron machine, to watch her drama students do their auditions. And she's got a killer voice. (As a side job, she does voice acting, for commercials, and Sailor Moon side characters). She's open to challenges, she's independent, intelligent, takes pictures of scenery worth being memoired (like me), and is generally a very positive person. And she's aware of her spirituality, in a New Age context.
We've hung out a couple of times, sometimes with other student teachers, and once one on one (but only out of circumstance, cause the other ST's couldn't make it), but being with this person has been, a lot of fun.
Like I said, I am content with my life, and not particularly having a desire for a girlfriend/wife. But I also said that I am attracted to this girl, which I am. But not so much in the sexual context. I just like... being in her company.
Still, what does this mean? My sister gave up her religion pretty fast. Even Solomon lost it by the end.
So... I've been avoiding her, yet still trying to keep one foot in the door. I invited her to do some open mics with me. She's open to challenges; but in all likeliness, she's probably not interested in me, which I am fine with, but is just a really outgoing individual.
Aside from her spiritual beliefs, one more incentive not to get mixed up is... her name. Yup, you guessed it.
So all things considered, perhaps my front of contentment is simply a state of denial?
==================
My band's going to be playing this Wednesday at the Starfish Cafe, at about 7:30ish. I don't know what direction we're taking after this, but I have a feeling we might be disbanding, or at the very least taking an extended hiatus. So try and make it if you can spare the time!
...I hope things work out though, because I really am blessed each time we get together.
Well, this week went by fast. I really miss sleeping.
New roommate! Welcome Alisha! And congrats on the job! It's kinda cool having her around, because she wakes up at the same time as me. My other roommate doesn't even exist it seems.I spent a good night hanging out with Sam after work, and we had some good discussions. I've honestly never been this content before in my life. But I'm not necessarily happy.
Everything is working out so well right now; My school placement, my partner teacher, my field advisor, my job (which, as a part time gig is quite rocking, despite the fact that I'm starting to hate it), my guitars (and speaking of which, I've added another one to the family)... and yes, my tone.
It's simple, but the Gretsch through my Marshall sounds really good. Even the cleans are half decent. I may at the end of the year, invest in Keith to build me a Vibrolux, but at the moment, I couldn't ask for more in my sound. Still, I am disturbed in my thoughts. My faith in God is... I don't have a word for it. I don't doubt what He can do, but lately I've been questioning if He'll do anything at all.
As if I should ask! Look at my life! Everything's nearly perfect!
But I'll tell you guys what saddens me to no end: Meeting Christians, and finding out they're not actually Spiritual Siblings. Or discovering that my good friends have taken a wrong turn, and are going down a wayward path. Or watching my own sister fall deeper and deeper into the same incorrect theology, because (and I don't blame her) she wants to love her husband.
Romans 8:37-39 says:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Well as far as east meets west, it feels as though my heart's being torn and stretched that exact distance. And in my frustration of watching those close to me adopt liberal theologies, I want to dig my claws through my chest and tear holes in my heart, just to know that I'm not callousing up. I want to cry tears for these people, but... I just feel numb.
And I guess that's why I've been attracted to this girl lately. She first grabbed my attention literally, when she took my arm from the hall, as I was going to the scantron machine, to watch her drama students do their auditions. And she's got a killer voice. (As a side job, she does voice acting, for commercials, and Sailor Moon side characters). She's open to challenges, she's independent, intelligent, takes pictures of scenery worth being memoired (like me), and is generally a very positive person. And she's aware of her spirituality, in a New Age context.
We've hung out a couple of times, sometimes with other student teachers, and once one on one (but only out of circumstance, cause the other ST's couldn't make it), but being with this person has been, a lot of fun.
Like I said, I am content with my life, and not particularly having a desire for a girlfriend/wife. But I also said that I am attracted to this girl, which I am. But not so much in the sexual context. I just like... being in her company.
Still, what does this mean? My sister gave up her religion pretty fast. Even Solomon lost it by the end.
So... I've been avoiding her, yet still trying to keep one foot in the door. I invited her to do some open mics with me. She's open to challenges; but in all likeliness, she's probably not interested in me, which I am fine with, but is just a really outgoing individual.
Aside from her spiritual beliefs, one more incentive not to get mixed up is... her name. Yup, you guessed it.
So all things considered, perhaps my front of contentment is simply a state of denial?==================
My band's going to be playing this Wednesday at the Starfish Cafe, at about 7:30ish. I don't know what direction we're taking after this, but I have a feeling we might be disbanding, or at the very least taking an extended hiatus. So try and make it if you can spare the time!
...I hope things work out though, because I really am blessed each time we get together.
posted by Jonny at 11:06 p.m.
7 Comments:
i dunno what i can say...
except that in some culture, ( i dont know which one), a thumbs up means "up yours".. I heard this off some news commentary show which criticized Arnie Schwarzeneggar using the thumbs up as his key move when he won the campaign to be governor.
i wish i could write like you. i can't seem to place my feelings into words. i hate it.
most of the time i just sound pathetic.
---
on another note, have i ever told you i miss playing with u? dang...
i just talked with my friend who is of the United denomination. it was weird how our beliefs are so different and yet, we both call ourselves Christian.
The sermon I attended yesterday was a bit too conservative for my tastes, but the speaker did bring up a good point about the Parable of the seeds. Most Christians are the seeds that fell into good soil, but thorns are also growing there. We struggle to grow up through these thorns, e.g. the world around us. The key is to not lose faith in God... but even I find it really hard, as I tend to adopt a more liberal p.o.v. than some other Christians.
And dude... voice acting for Sailor Moon?! That's awesome!
ps: I left a cheque for you on the fridge. You can also eat some mac & cheese if you want to and you don't feel like cooking (in the little red containers) -- I don't mind!
I just realised that my comment really had no point, other than the mac & cheese/cheque portion.
As The Pixies would say... where is my mind?!
Anyways, if you ever need to talk... you know where to find me. Literally.
you spelt alicia's name wrong in ur entry
:P
i'm in the same boat with josh. Jonny your blog feels more cozy somehow.
If you're waiting for God to do something...then wait patiently. Sometimes God draws us through a spiritually dry desert until we're ready for Him to lead us into the Oasis. God speaks and moves in His own time...not when we expect or ask Him to. Be faithful in doing that which you've committed to and in what God's placed in front of you to do. God will be faithful to what He says He'll do and to what He says of Himself.
As for Truth....Truth is what God says and what He says of Himself as recorded in the Bible. Not what we say or what we'd like God to say. I dare say some who claim to be spiritual, or seekers of spiritual things, may actually be avoiding the Truth because God's Truth is hard to accept and hard to live out. And God knows that. So it's ok to question, to struggle, to doubt, to wrestle...faith requires all of that. But in the end, you have to decide whether to choose God and accept that His words are Truth, that He knows what He's doing...or choose your own way and think that you know better than God.
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